I am going to share my
experience with breast cancer but I want to be sure that anyone reading this
post understands that each cancer experience and diagnosis is different for
each person. The process I went through is mine and would not be the same for
another woman or man. Cancer is a very personal experience and while some
treatments and protocols may be common, the journey is never the same. If diagnosed with cancer, each person has to
work with her or his medical team to determine the best treatment plan.
I hope my walk through
this faith experience can encourage someone and bring honor to God for answered
prayers and His providence in my life.
In 2005, I left the principal position at Mabry Junior High
School and moved to work at the District Office in the area of curriculum and
special programs. That first year at the
District Office was a great learning experience, and while I missed the daily
interactions with the students, teachers, and parents, I didn’t miss the long
hours and stress that came with being a principal.
That spring 2006, my successor at New Prospect Elementary,
Mrs. Cathy Bird, passed away unexpectedly and I returned to finish the year out
at New Prospect from mid-March until June.
It was a very sad and challenging time and is still hard for me to think
about.
Fast forward to Labor Day weekend, 2006. I have always been one of those people who
tried to keep up with physical exams, dentist appointments, other specialists, and
try to be healthy. I have been blessed
to have good insurance so getting to the doctor for physicals and keeping up
with all the screening tests was never a hardship. Although at the time, there was no breast
cancer in our immediate family, I had always been religious about the self-exam
and mammograms. In fact, I had just had
a mammogram about 2 months ago that was normal.
I was watching TV, reared back in the recliner, when I
casually ran my hand over the top of my right breast. I felt a thickening—not a lump really, but a
thickening about the size of my little finger and about an inch long. That
had not been there when I had done my last monthly self-check.
I didn’t panic and I didn’t tell Harry.
Tuesday morning I called my doctor and reported what I had
found and by 11:00 AM that morning, I was in his office and he was checking it
out.
He felt what I felt and said that I needed to have an
ultrasound scheduled.
A few days later, I went in for the ultrasound, Harry with
me. The ultrasound was conducted and
results given to the doctor. He said
that nothing really showed up on the ultrasound. He couldn’t tell what it was
but it “didn’t look like anything to be concerned about.”
The theme of these series of blogs is the Prayer Rock. Sometime between the time I found the thickening
and had the ultrasound, I had sat on the rock and prayed about it. I remember saying to God that I didn’t have a
good feeling about this. I think women
know their bodies and our bodies do speak to us. I just didn’t feel good about this event and
I was preparing myself for bad news. I
asked God to take care of me and to help me make the right decisions as this situation
went on.
When the doctor said he didn’t see anything to be concerned
about and that we could “watch” it for 3 months or take it out, I emphatically
replied, “NO! We take it out now and we
don’t watch it.”
That still small voice had said to me quite clearly and
rather loudly, “Don’t wait. Don’t watch
it. Get it out now.” I said to the
doctor, “ I realize that you don’t see anything, but we know it is there. And
if you can’t tell me what it is or isn’t, then we need to take it out as soon
as possible.” He agreed with me and his
next question was who I wanted for a surgeon.
I had never had a surgeon and the only name that I could think of was
the nice young surgeon who had performed our son’s emergency appendectomy, Dr.
Darren Chapman. The doctor said that
was a good choice and Dr. Chapman was doing almost exclusively breast surgery
now. So, two days later, I was in Dr.
Chapman’s office discussing the minor surgery that was to take place.
Dr. Chapman felt that the thickening we were feeling was
nothing to be concerned about, but he agreed that since it wasn’t showing up on
the ultrasound, the best course was to be safe and take it out.
And so on Oct. 3, 2006, I found myself at Mary Black Hospital
being prepped for surgery. I remember
Dr. Chapman coming to the gurney where I lay awaiting surgery. He took my hand and said, “I want to check
that this thing is still there. I have known you ladies to pray them
away.” He checked and it was still
there. He looked me in the eye and said,
“I really don’t think you have anything to worry about. We’ll just take it out and it will be fine.” He prayed with me and things got underway.
When I woke up, the first thing I remember is having my
right hand held by Dr. Chapman and my left hand held by Harry. I only had to look in their faces to
know. Even today, I feel so sorry for
Dr. Chapman. He had the sickest look on
his face and I said, “Well, let’s have it.”
He said that he was completely blown out of the water. He
never expected to find cancer. When he removed the thickening we had all felt
but couldn’t identify, it was benign.
Completely harmless. However,
hidden behind the growth, masked so that it didn’t show up on the ultrasound
was a 1.3-centimeter tumor. Breast
cancer. He had cleared all the margins and it was
being sent for testing but we would need to talk in his office in two
days.
While he was upset that he had missed the diagnosis, I have
a different perspective. I think in my
heart, even though everyone said I had nothing to worry about, I had known that
it was not going to be good.
I really believe that God put the growth there. The tumor had not shown up in my recent
mammogram. Perhaps it was fast growing and wasn’t even there when I had the
mammogram. I had not felt it when I did my self-exams. If I had not felt the thickening and taken
action, it might have been too late.
And I thank God every day that He spoke to me so emphatically
so that I was compelled to demand that the growth be removed immediately. Had we waited 3 months to watch it, it might
have been too late. The type of cancer with
which I was diagnosed is aggressive. I
don’t like to think about it.
And so began a journey that I might do differently if I had
it to do over, but again, maybe not. I
think all women must contemplate what they might do if they were ever diagnosed
with breast cancer and for me, I had always told myself that I would have a
mastectomy and not question it.
Treatment of breast cancer has come a long way and today, a total
mastectomy is not always the first course of treatment. But for me, I still had
that voice telling me to have a mastectomy. The course of action I would have
taken differently, however, would be to have met with the oncologist and gotten
a treatment plan first before having
the mastectomy, but in October 2006, all I could think was that I wanted the
offending breast removed as soon as possible.
During this time, I spent a lot of time on the prayer
rock. I mentioned in an earlier post,
that my mother had died of colon/liver cancer in 1990. During the 3 years or so that she was sick, I
never heard her complain or question God.
She never asked ‘why me?” She was always positive and hoping for the
best. She might be in pain, but she
would never let you see it. A cousin
remarked that his aunt had shown how to live life as a Christian and how to die
as a Christian. I remembered that. And so, as I sat on the rock and talked to
God, my prayer was that I would be brave like Mama, strong like Mama, and
gracious like her. And that no one who
worked around me was going to be uncomfortable or feel like they had to tippy
toe around. I asked for peace, grace, a
sense of humor, and strength to get through what was ahead.
Dr. Chapman and I made an appointment to have the right
breast removed on October 13, 2006. He
would remove the breast and also perform a sentinel node biopsy at the same
time. This is a procedure where radioactive
dye is injected into the breast and travels to the lymph nodes. If the lymph node or nodes are “hot”, then that indicates that cancer has
spread to the lymph nodes.
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